I watched , yet I could not help you .

2014-03-01 20.27.04

Why are you so angry ?

Since that day when it all happened , you have changed. I was there that day too. I watched as you , I felt your pain yet I could not help you I saw all the people , the ones that have made you who you are fell to pieces .

The strong one , the bad chick, the victim, the educated one, the drug addict, the alcoholic, the co-dependent, the 16 yr girl who appears all too often, the compassionate one, the relapse queen who seems to be addicted to her pain.

I watched , yet I could not help you .

What had happened ? Why are you on the floor?

One day turned into two days, and into months .

I could see that were not yourself and in need of help. Hello “new you” , no reply! She doesn’t listen anymore . Shaking my head,  wondering about this new you.

What’s going to happen to me .

I watched , yet I could not help you .

The new you has been sitting in the same spot for months now . What are you staring at ? Is it really so bad that you won’t let me back in to help you ?

Your crying is silent , not to be heard . The frustration and despair only I can see,has now become we.  I watch as you try to manage a simple conversation. Only you and I know that you are not listening , not because you don’t want too.. You can’t.

I watched , yet I could not help you .

The bills are unopened , the dishes are stacked up and the cupboards are empty.

I see you trying hard to remember what day it is, why bother you don’t care . Things that were important , have no meaning for you . There are no appointments in the place that have gone to hide .

I think that you might need some help.

Hello you, it’s always been there, these memories that were so deep. Come get on your feet and let it go. Brush it off as fast as you can, being stuck here in this hiding place is closing in on you. Get up,and let me back in.

I watched you , yet I could not help you .

Struggling with the aggression and resentment. We get together as best as we can. You realize that you have changed . And then the anger came.

Is that why you have turned so hard? Look in the mirror, who do you see?

I watched , yet I could not help you . The reflection looking back at you is me .


Italianeat , A better life

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2 responses to “I watched , yet I could not help you .

  1. I have just been extended the Brave Heart Award — And now I’m nominating YOU!
    You can find out more about the award by following this link…http://picnicwithants.wordpress.com/2014/04/01/braveheart-award/…it will take you to my blog post about the award.

    Please leave me a comment if you accept the award.

    Each nominee is notified with the inclusion of the following words: (Note from me: remember, a survivor from abuse does not always mean from physical or sexual abuse. As someone with illnesses we are often abused by others who don’t understand, by doctors…ect. You are not Alone.)

    Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

    I call you a survivor, because that is what you are. There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are losing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong.

    I want you to know that any abuse you experience as a result of your diagnosis is not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse.

    In your life, you have faced many demons, but look around you and you will see there is hope and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope.

    You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.

    Each step you take you are not alone. Stand Strong.


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