Dysfunctional Charm

Toxic And Dysfunctional Narcissism left me Tribeless.

These are my Notes for a Memoir

Before I start the Dramatalogy of my wayward ways and 

my “ Let me suck the life out of you “ piranhas that I call family.

I am not a writer. I will do my best not to jump from this to that.

You are going to have to keep up with me. I have a lot to say.

All of it true.

ME; sitting here 

Three pancakes deep in regret.

Daydreaming that heaven will be like the ’70s.

I’m on a mission to heal my scars from a life of a Toxic and Narcissistic Mother.

 Shame, Regret, Dysfunction, and Mayhem followed.

 I’d like to think that I’m a tough old broad.  

The truth is I’m not very good at adulting.  Saying that I’m a direct person is an understatement.

Addiction, Relapse, Addicted, Relapse, Sober, Smartass

I love rock n roll

Lonely yet not alone

Witty, sarcastic sense of humor.

Prisons, institutions, biker lifestyle,

Traveling, Interpol, gangster lifestyle,

Deportation from America,

Amsterdam Lifestyle

I am a black sheep in my family. 

Black sheep are badasses, we flock together.

Dear FutureMe

I’ll get straight to the point. You’re at an all-time low in your life. You’ve been like this for the past few years.

You’ve let time pass by without taking care of your broken scars.
Feeling flawed, empty and alone and out of touch with your feelings, it’s hard to feel you belong anywhere. It’s hard to know what you want, feel or need. It’s hard to believe that it matters. It’s hard to feel that you matter.

I think it’s time to do something about those missed opportunities and allow yourself to heal. Stop internalizing. Being alone is frightening, unbearable, and is suffocating you.

The only person who can save you is yourself. This isn’t a fairy tale, this isn’t a movie, Prince Charming isn’t going to swoop in and save your dark soul. You have to live for yourself, you have to take care of yourself. You cannot give the key to your happiness to someone else. You cannot do that, you cannot put that sort of responsibility and pressure on someone else. Only you can save yourself okay? You have to listen to your heart and listen to your gut. You need to take care of yourself. You need to stop putting harmful substances in your body,

Please stop hurting yourself
live your life passionately, let it radiate from your soul. Make magic. You are a magic woman. A strong-willed, stubborn, beautiful and intelligent woman. Who is more than capable of taking care of you than you

Who quieted your thunder? Stomped out your joy?
Stop procrastinating, write your memoir. I know that you are afraid to relive the trauma.
Because all the self-help books, Tony Robbins’ speeches, and ice cream in the world,
won’t change erase the betrayal of a narcissistic mother. Like the common cold of the soul, you just have to accept it.
when they take hold of you, and battle on through to the other side

Love and appreciate yourself. Continue to live outside your comfort zone, know that your potential is limitless.

You’re a tough old broad
You got this