Way back then

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I am what I used to be 
My beliefs are stronger
My soul doesn’t linger anymore 
My faith, passionate than ever
My heart, I’ve found inner peace 
Releases my then only friends 
That was back then.
How will I ever forget them? 
They are part of me but I found the way home
Thank you, I wasn’t alone.
Searching and discovering is what I used to be
One moment, I got it
A whole new me

What does it feel like to have anxiety and depression?

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‘Depression is like going through life like you’re trying to wade through water. Everything is an effort. I just feel so sluggish and slow. And I’ve stopped doing all the things that I used to do – nothing feels good anymore.’

‘Depression to me is like drowning, while everyone else is breathing. It’s also kind of like life in slow motion. It feels like being shackled and having no power or sense of existence. Depression is like being on the outside of everything.’

‘It feels like you can’t breathe in a room full of people, because someone might stare at you if you make the tiniest noise. You feel like everyone is always talking about you, even though they usually aren’t. Depression is different for everyone, as is anxiety, but for me depression is the feeling of being utterly alone no matter what you do. Silently crying for help but no one cares.’

‘It’s shrunk my world to the point where I don’t want to do anything around other people because I’m so terrified of making an idiot of myself.’

‘I worry all of the time; thinking about if I’ll make the bus on time; messing up at work; my daughter having to get back from a club by herself; feeling like I’m going to forget something really important; upsetting a friend; worrying about the future; a cough that just won’t go away. Sometimes I just have a bad feeling, but I can’t even really put my finger on what I’m actually worried about.’

‘(Depression) It’s like stepping into quicksand. Slowly it takes you in, until you are submerged. Can’t breathe, can’t think. After you pass through the sand, you find yourself in a dark, never ending abyss.’

‘(Depression and anxiety) It’s like alternating between feeling stuck in the past and worrying about the future. Like feeling stupid for something you said, and ruminating in that, and then worrying about saying more stupid things the next time you have to go interact with people.’

‘Anxiety is the feeling that rushes through your chest when you are about to miss a step on the staircase or you catch your foot on a crack in the pavement, and you think, for a moment, you are going to fall. it is that feeling, but constant.’

‘My anxiety is like the feeling you get when you begin the swift descent from the highest point of a roller coaster, and your body can’t keep up.’

‘(it) feels incredibly lonely. And the frustrating thing is that things that could help make things better (such being physically active, talking to someone, going out with friends) are so much more difficult to do when you feel depressed and anxious.’

 

https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/anxiety-depression-and-cbt/1/steps/64870

Emotionally Risky

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Damaging, maybe .These are some thoughts that come to mind. I am very upfront and will almost always lay down the rules right from the start. Sometimes people tend to be so caught up in the moment , they shake thier greedy heads and dive in head first. So it’s comes as no surprise when suddenly the bottom has smacked them with a dose stupidity.
I bet most of you know where I’m going with this. And for those of you that don’t, this would be a good time to listen up.

It wasn’t long before the chemistry I felt for him was sizzling, he was everything a man should be, a great listener, strong, charismatic, handsome, powerful, gentle, wise, empathetic, a leader.

My life had been cruel and had multiple layers of deep psychological problems, and of course, was extremely passive aggression. Shame and regret invaded my soul, leaving emotionally crippled.
I as ripe for over achievement, for isolation, for rescuing, for depression, for martyrdom, ripe for a series of narcisstic, immature, ungiving, passive-aggressive men of my own.

SURVIVING IS IMPORTANT, THRIVING IS ELEGANT . M. ANGELOW

 

SURVIVING IS IMPORTANT, THRIVING IS ELEGANT . M. ANGELOW.