Nurse Ratched, I’m Also Bipolar And Off My Meds Today !


I can’t begin to tell you how bad it hurts.  

One moment I am in a dead sleep and the next I was in hell.   Not again I thought.  Just breath. Trying to remember the breathing techniques I had learned during my stay at rehab.

Panic sets in and I am not breathing.  I can not calm myself down enough to breath in breath out. I am screaming by now.

I have had what I call a ‘Charlie Horse’ in my calves many times over the years. But this was no ‘Charlie Horse’, this was in my upper thigh and it was traveling or so I believed .

Thankfully, I have told the little old Turkish man next door that if he heard me screaming please jump his ass over here .  I knew that it was around the time that he gets up for work.

I have lived next to this man for the past 8 years. and can count on one hand how many times I have actually spoke with him.

Of course this was when I could handle being a weekend tweaker and alcoholic . Anyone that has been there before, knows that this time is short lived.

The pain started to ease up but the effects of the cramp hurt badly. He took no time getting me to the local hospital. With his job done, off to work he went.

Of course by now they had looked up my medical history . When I walked in or rather hopped in, I was greeted with respect and empathy which calmed me down .   The nurse was hovering over me , holding my hand , she was in the caring “professional” mode.

A short time later this same caring professional approached me. The smile was replaced with a judgmental and stern grumpy voice.

I was told they knew that I have had drug problems and warned me that they were going to take a drug test. She said this as if I was going to suddenly raise my hands and confess.

I was about two seconds away from drop kicking her ass. If only I could stop writhing in pain.

I am not an idiot, and besides I couldn’t do much since I could barely move. Knowing that I needed the pain to stop! The bitch had me at her mercy.

Being hooked up to an IV , I am treated and sleep with one eye open. This morning another echo shows that I can take oral meds at home.   

All too happy to receive my prescription , I high tailed it outta there.

Thinking to myself as I leave, I am going to change hospitals.   

But what’s the point my records will follow me wherever I go.

Another reminder that I am and will always be an addict.

Note to self: Thank the man next door and for God sakes remember his name .

Chief Charlie Horse
Chief Charlie Horse (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


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