I couldn’t sleep last night . Finally around 3 am I took 2 sleeping pills. I really needed to have more than 4 hours of sleep.
My body is weak from not eating, I had to break down and eat something . It wasn’t much but it was something.
Now back to procrastinating today’s events.
Smoking a cigarette and checking my email. I am jolted wide awake . My ex will be here at 12:30. Shit , I have to get dressed and tidy up.
Can’t have anyone thinking I have lost it, can I ? That’s the thing with isolation, it makes you lazy as fuck
Needing more veggies and celery I have finally picked myself up and went shopping . The weather is nice, the sun feels good on my face. I decide to head towards the bookstore and get a motivational book by my favorite author. While I am out I noticed that my vision is blurred, my legs have no strength and my overall condition is not good. Since I am obsessing over my weight and not eating, I am getting no real exercise. I make yet another promise, I will walk everyday for 45 mins.
I will not drink today as I have slipped for the past few days .
Another secret .
I have begun to clean up this mess that surrounds me and that means the bathroom. Don’t get me wrong , I am not a dirty person, but during this time I am not really that focus on my household chores, instead I am stuck at the computer writing all day. I bought all the cleaning supplies needed yet I have not made it there yet.
I did not buy alcohol.
Note to self: Find the stepper and give your blood circulating as well as a bit of exercise.
I was just surprised when someone from a publishing company called me , my first question. How much ? And how do you know I am writing , feeling a bit paranoid I ask them to call back. I need to google this. I am not a writer except for my blog . My blog introduced me to putting my feelings of depression , bipolar which I still have doubts about and my struggles of addiction in on paper.
Are you fucking kidding me. I come out of my bitch cave by going online on Facebook answering emails and even began chatting on Skype.
I have cleaned the damn bathroom , painted my nails, plucked the brows ( I wonder how they look since I can’t see shit ) and dyed my hair. Leaving it into long as I was yet again procrastinating .
All of a sudden the phone is going mad crazy “ ding, ding, ding “ with notifications . Normally I do not really pay that much attention. But this was getting insane.. Screaming in my head. ” What the fuck do you want” ? I took a look and one of my email accounts have been hacked .
I am still getting emails from people asking me why am I sending them info concerning viagra or invitations to a gay site for men. The screaming voicemails from my ex’s made it clear that I needed to handle this.
I am slowly edging my way back into time out.
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