Really? Back to Timeout

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I couldn’t sleep last night . Finally around 3 am I took 2 sleeping pills.   I really needed to have more than 4 hours of sleep.   

My body is weak from not eating, I had to break down and eat something . It wasn’t much but it was something.

Now back to procrastinating today’s events.  

Smoking a cigarette and checking my email. I am jolted wide awake . My ex will be here at 12:30.  Shit , I have to get dressed and tidy up.

Can’t have anyone thinking I have lost it, can I ?  That’s the thing with isolation, it makes you lazy as fuck

.  

Needing more veggies and celery I have finally picked myself up and went shopping .  The weather is nice, the sun feels good on my face.   I decide to head towards the bookstore and get a motivational book by my favorite author.  While I am out I noticed that my vision is blurred, my legs have no strength and my overall condition is not good.   Since I am obsessing over my weight and not eating, I am getting no real exercise.   I make yet another promise, I will walk everyday for 45 mins.    

I will not drink today as I have slipped for the past few days .

Another secret .

I have begun to clean up this mess that surrounds me  and that means the bathroom.   Don’t get me wrong , I am not a dirty person, but during this time I am not really that focus on my household chores, instead I am stuck at the computer writing all day.   I bought all the cleaning supplies needed yet I have not made it there yet.   

I did not buy alcohol.

Note to self: Find the stepper and give your blood circulating as well as a bit of exercise.

I was just surprised when someone from a publishing company called me , my first question.   How much ?    And how do you know I am writing , feeling a bit paranoid I ask them to call back.   I need to google this.   I am not a writer except for my blog .   My blog introduced me to putting my feelings of depression , bipolar which I still have doubts about and my struggles of addiction in on paper.

Are you fucking kidding me.   I come out of my bitch cave by going online on Facebook answering emails and  even began chatting on Skype.

I have cleaned the damn bathroom ,  painted my nails, plucked the brows ( I wonder how they look since I can’t see shit ) and dyed my hair.  Leaving it into long as I was yet again procrastinating .

All of a sudden the phone is going mad crazy “ ding, ding, ding “ with notifications .   Normally I do not really pay that much attention.   But this was getting insane..   Screaming in my head.  ” What the fuck do you want” ?   I took a look and one of my email accounts have been hacked .

I am still getting emails from people asking me why am I sending them info concerning  viagra or invitations to a gay site for men. The  screaming voicemails from my ex’s made it clear that I needed to handle this.

I am slowly edging my way back into time out.   

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3 responses to “Really? Back to Timeout

  1. I have been there! Only with me I would have eaten the celery and stared outside all day trying to talk myself into going out. When I did go out I would buy alcohol so I had it because being drunk is better for me than being suicidal and locked up again.

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