Bipolar Thinking and wishing I was Drinking . Timeout ?

wicked calm

The smoke is flying out as I sit here . I have decided that it is time to handle my business.

That starts with airing the place out and giving it a good scrub. So far I have smoked two cigarettes today. It’s still early but the intentions are there.

I am having a hard time moving around. Last night I shot up from a deep sleep with the worst pain in what seems to be the vein on the inside of my thigh.
This happened last week. Now I am sitting with my legs stacked so high that I can hardly see the computer screen.

Yes, I am paranoid !!

A few things happened today that almost made me really just go Ape Shit Bipolar.

The internet which is hooked to my TV, Phone and Computer went out. I panicked after all it would mean the death of my life line . I turned it off , waited. Nothing!!

While taking a moment to calm down , it came back on. At this point I tossed the pills back in the closet .
Then it happened again.
So thinking that it would be a good idea to plug into someone else’s internet ( don’t even go there if you don’t agree “jammer” that is dutch for “too bad” ) !

Before I finished pondering this , magic happened and it came on and stay on.
That cost me two cigarettes.

Finding things to keep busy and noticing that I am hoarding. I have make up from the 80’s , like the mascara is still good. And what is up with all the pastel eyeshadow? While the energy goddess has decided to grace me today, I have the great idea to just throw out the Olivia Newton shit 

Being disable from my monster leg pain last night I head towards the bathroom.
Ouch, ouch, ouch !

The light is out .Double Damn, I hop back, ouch ouch ouch, only to find it’s not the light bulb.

Now I have big decisions to make here , am I going outside down the three flights of stairs to check the breaker . I had to sit and think about this, and out comes a cigarette as if I am going to get super powers from that . ( Oh yeah, I will regret this.. it’s the coming back up )

After procrastinating for a while, I hop downstairs . Not even thinking about how difficult it will be to get back up.

Stubbed my toe.. lots of F*** this and F*** that.

Still it’s not working .

Great ! It only took me two weeks to clean the bathroom and now I get the feeling that it will be in need of a good bleach down by the time I get this fixed .

Bottom line is I started the day on a positive note, all intentions of making “ timeout “ a distance memory .

Being the addictive kind, it just keeps pulling me back in.

What’s left to say except I need a cigarette.

In closing here I sit here Bipolar Thinking and wishing I was Drinking .

Maybe Honey Boo Boo is on .

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