Finding my way from broken pieces.
Back home from a much needed break. I had a wonderful time and really enjoyed being outside of busy Amsterdam . Village life seems to be enjoyable and people are just more friendly . I can’t help but wonder if this is for me. I am not sure, but I am going to take a leap of faith and look into it .
In the past month or so, I have been in turmoil.
I am just done with drama, mainly my own.
Unless I am willing to change and let others in. I have this problem with myself , as I like to just keep things to myself , not reaching out and letting those that care in. Mostly when I am at a low point . Isolation is like taking a huge jump backwards.
Maybe it’s pride ,maybe not.
My thinking of “people will let you down, or have an agenda of their own” has left me a bit bitter, bruised and often alone . For months I have been doing my best to work on that . However, who really wants to show vulnerability?
I am doing my own head in by sitting in the shit . I have forgiven others and myself . I can remember the day . I just let it go . I felt a release of bitterness as I exhaled . We all must somehow get through what we are going through.I have discovered that life doesn’t actually knock you down, It does, however, provide you with many opportunities to evaluate your standing in life: what you stand on, what you stand for, how you stand within yourself and for yourself. When your standing is weak, you don’t get knocked down.
You slip on your dysfunctional pieces and your distorted sense of self.
Sometimes, if you are lucky, you fall when no one is looking, so you can limp away and lick your wounds privately.
More often than not, though , you fall in front of other people, and your dress flies up over your head, exposing your ripped panties to ignorant spectators who are doing their best not to laugh at you. Those who do not laugh, but rush to help you up, often have no idea that your ego is more bruised than your knees.
I think that I have embraced a certain level of clarity about who I am , and who I choose to be.
Still the challenge : Avoid dangling the old carrots, old wounds and issues. Let it go and exhale with a certain level of clarity.
Acceptance is the answer today.
- Amsterdam (shuyiyeo.wordpress.com)
- Lost Love (adarlingbird.com)
- Make Your Euros Go Further in Amsterdam (epicatravel.com)
- Drinking Bipolar