With Sunday upon me , I feel the changes. I feel at peace , maybe that is not the correct word.

While my heart still hurts, I realize that I will be OK. I pull myself from under the covers , the same covers that has shielded me these past few days. My first thought is to get up and resume to the normal daily structure. I make hot lemon water and lemon, look around the apartment and see a huge mess. As I walk towards the bathroom, I catch a glimpse of myself , I look in horror.
A train wreck is staring back at me.

I spring into action.

Freshly showered and now having a green smoothie, there are no signs of me falling into a deep depression, I don’t feel like numbing. I know that it is time to open the window and allow myself to breath.

In case you have not been following or just couldn’t understand my gibberish, I recently lost someone very close to me . I mentally shut down, I physically felt as if I was between here and Mars. I had no idea how to mourn my loss and manage my personal behavior. This scared me, I found a safe haven under the covers.

The house is clean, I am ready to deal with the outside world again.
This was a relapse waiting to happen. Lock-down was necessary .

Today I will allow myself some time to reflect in a different manner, I will walk out the door and allow myself freedom again.
Damn, I look over the past few days of posting. Am I writing a novel and badly written one or am Am I just sounding out in a somewhat manic way.

As they say, Time to pull up your big girl panties and get on with it !

I need a vacation, Spain is looking very good right now. The problem with that is I can not lose enough weight in such a short period to feel comfortable alongside of some perky 20 yr old, sipping one of those tasty alcoholic drinks. The night life will kill me , they don’t even go out until 12 am, without some kind of upper I won’t make it past 10 pm.

Option number two, Portugal.

That is until I checked the weather for next week. Pfff.

Option number three. Greece. Again! mmm I will give it some thought .

Option number four, go back to option number one, since I have done the party thing there already, I will do the midlife thing.

But what is that .


  1. Option 5 – Cornwall? It’s so beautiful. But maybe not warm. South of France then? Everyone likes that! Stuff yourself with chocolate croissants in some quaint village near the sea!


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