Breaking me Bad


There are some things that you cannot change. Let’s take a look at betrayal . I personally have a hard time with it! I then go into pay-back mode.

Now we all know that I have been in therapy and I have read enough self help books to know this is can lead me into the darkness. You see right at this moment, I am thinking that this is a dark and twisted world.
All weekend I have been doing a lot of reflecting . Have I really changed at all , because it ( meaning my mind) keeps coming back to one thing . Revenge !! Ok you don’t know the whole story but. recently I have allowed myself to dance with the most manipulative person that I have ever met. And you have guess it, I danced as if I was dancing on sunshine.
Then a funny thing happened, my eyes opened wide and I saw the person standing before me with a clear mind . My first thought was “ I SEE YOU”.

I started this post last night . The little devil standing over my shoulder , had this little evil smirk on it’s face , looking back that was me . I wanted to do nothing more than put all this mindfulness training , yoga , Dr. Phil, Oprah along with everything other self help book I am reading and kick them to the curb.

I could see the transformation in progress. I was on a ass kicking mission and I wanted the world to know it. Something told me to stop writing . Was it the inner angel saying rather yelling to “cut the crap”? I don’t know. What else could I do? The answer was let it go and I started surfing with the TV remote..BINGO!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ( rich brats ).

I woke up at 7am and did my best to follow my daily routine. The smoothies, taking a half hour of quiet time , some call this meditation. Since my mind is racing most of the time I actually only feel the calm soothing moments during the last 5 or 10 mins. Still I am trying to find the calm me. I just do it.

Followed by self care , bla , bla bla. All while thinking to myself , I am in a good place. I am above it all, I can overcome this need to reach out and join the rest of the twisted world and put my chubby foot up your ass.
You know who you are , and don’t let the new and improved me fool you . Instead of that little devil standing over my shoulder, I hear the sassy no-nonsense voice of Nene Leakes from the “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” standing over my shoulder, whether this is good or bad, you know the shit is just getting started.
Oh Lord , I need a smoothie , Yep, that’s right , breaking bad just can’t be helped.

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