Bipolar Baggage, up up and away

Bipolar Baggage, up up and away.

Being clear in the mind, and honest in my heart , I am just sick of settling. I am enjoying my time alone, yet I am missing the joys of sharing my thoughts and life with someone.

I am excellent at pretending. Pretending I am interested in whatever the current topic of conversation may be; when, in fact, I am entirely, momentarily (hopefully), hollowed out, numb, incapable of communication on anything other than a basic level: “Yes. No. Okay”; when all I want is the conversation to end, as soon as possible, as painlessly as possible, but for it to do so would involve me being able to talk, to explain – a dark irony not lost on me as I stare at the table top.

This is not an ongoing thing but I have baggage . I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and ADHD. Sometimes I talk too much, I am forgetful, I have mood swings. I cuss too much and on the other side I love too much .
Personally, my mania has lead to anger, cursing and inappropriate behavior. Not exactly the stuff of good relationships no matter what your diagnosis. I have been in a relationship that has turned into a brother, sister, mommy, kiddie thing. It has taken me many years of pain and disappointments to fully understand that I am deserving of a partner that loves me and my flaws. Everyone comes with baggage and I am carrying enough baggage to fill up an entire 747 plane.

I am not sure how I wanted this post to start or end, I do know that sitting here on this Sunday morning , I am OK.
I have started the day with my wonderful smoothies and of course hot lemon water instead of coffee. I have made another bowl of lovely cabbage soup ( yet it is getting boring, so today I spiced it up a bit ) . I went to just check to see if all this effort in this veggie , smoothie, cabbage soup diet is working and pleased to see I am fitting better in my clothes. Now , regardless of being bipolar , I am human and did the cabbage soup dance !

So what I have baggage , Who the hell doesn’t ?

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5 responses to “Bipolar Baggage, up up and away

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