I left everything I knew behind —
Starting fresh can feel like a fast roller coaster, bursting with ups and downs. Life is an adventure with many challenges.
I have always been stubborn and wanted to ride this rollercoaster my way. It didn’t work. Simple as that.
Before I started doing what I truly needed and faced myself in mirror with all the honesty I could muster up , I was depressed, addicted to drugs, consumed with vodka , isolated, and lonely.
At the time, I didn’t know the root of my depression was due to not being true to me. I never gave myself permission to ask what I really wanted for my life. I was in the middle of being a fully blown addict, my thoughts never stepped outside my comfort zone. Numbing all the pain that was so deep and I could no longer reach it.
Avoiding my true self resulted in numerous breakdowns. It seemed as if I was constantly searching for an outward solution for an inside condition. The next raise, the next man, the next drug fix, the next “anything except what I had” would make me happy. Every time I got what I wanted, though, I felt even more empty and isolated. Everything changed once I asked myself, “What do you really want?”
Today things have changed for me. I started to really dig deep. To stop and ask the hardest question of all..
Do I want change and was I willing to go outside of my comfort zone? Of course me being me, I said “Hell yeah”!
But doing this was a huge challenge and I had many relapses along the way. Regardless, stubborn old me just kept trying. I have to thank a friend who introduced me to mindfulness and yoga.
I am still in the beginning stages yet I get up every morning and go directly to mindbodygreen, I do the 20 min yoga session. I feel grumpy still at times maybe that is because I am just grumpy about having to kick start myself into a mindful zone. Slowly that is becoming second nature to me . I like to think so anyway. I am a beginner at this so I have days where I don’t want to read all the mumble jumble , I really am not looking forward to 20 mins of yoga. But I just do it.
I can now see a future in front of me. I don’t wake up with hangovers ( I stopped getting those along time ago). I can sleep through the night, as we all know alcohol disrupts the sleeping pattern. Those around me see a change therefore I no longer feel isolated and the fear of change has been replaced with a new adventure.
Time to start the day, not so grumpy .