Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.

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“Seems to me that there is a fine line between insanity and dedication…I call that line commitment, Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.”

The rush had hijacked me, my soul . All memories of my children my family were gone . Gone I was gone .

I was determined to hold on to the euphoric rush that was numbing me , the rush that was exploding in my head. All the rehabs , I had the tools that I had learned from my years in and out of rehab. Yet here I was in my element. The rapture filled me for a moment and then as it began to fade and the fireworks died down in my head.

There, I sat with my shaking hands folded across my chest, longing for comfort , but most of all forgiveness. I realized the hopelessness of my situation, and in a sudden, brief dash of clarity. I asked myself ” you done now”? So sick and tired I knew that the answer was not in this filthy dirty room littered with beer cans, crack pipes, needles and cigarette butts.

It was over, the knocking at the door was for me. I had the police and bounty hunters looking for me . Most likely it was someone sitting next to me who had turned me in. After all when you need a hit, you’ll do anything . I was broken, just a shell of the person that I once was.

My past was killing me . At the time I id not understand that I had to forgive myself and others before moving on past this.
Today, I still struggle. I struggle with bipolar which some just popped its head up a few years ago . I also just found out that I have ADHD. When I told a few people I was surpassed at the lack of reaction .

Finally started my book here is a small peek . Follow for more bits and pieces

Read ore here 

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2 responses to “Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.

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