For years I have been moaning and whining about everything from a small wrinkle to that dark hole that we call depression or I am so manic I just cant say enough. I can’t say enough about the enjoyment that I have felt when manic and blogging. However there have been times when reading the next day I stood there reading what I posted last night . You get the deal , me sitting at the computer curlers in the hair , a cup of coffee ( yes, friends I now drink coffee as a wake up, you gotta have something ) Cigs in hand , which I am trying to stop. Anyway I just sat and read for a few hours. Damn! I was either drunk or depressed. What happened to my midlife funny? Am I over it? Ha the Ritalin. I don’t misuse it and for anyone thinking of abusing Ritalin GET A GRIP. Again before I forget, did the midnight midlife devil take some pity on me and sprinkle some fairy dust on me. Because this kind of normal thing is boring . I am somehow not bringing drama into my own life or allowing others to mess around with my emotions. I have that it is me that has to WANT to make the effort to cut the shit. I have been on the Ritalin for a few weeks and I have seen a huge difference in me . My head was so full . I just put if off to early Alzheimer’s. I think I went way to deep when I was suddenly told ( after 30 yrs old) that I have this and that , and more of this. I simply focus all my effort on reading and research but it also made me start to become a victim. I think that was the most depressing part of all. I know myself and weak is something I have never been. Being lonely drove me into another dark corner, so what am I doing ?
Finding something else to focus on, healthy living . That even sounds strange to me but yes, it has come to the point where I can no longer live numb and unforgiven. Regrets can be a killer. In my case, alcohol and speed . Today I am doing OK. I have had slip up’s with alcohol but that is what we addicts do. Relapse again and again until you look in the mirror and instead of throwing mirror out the window ( which I did) . You stand looking at the swollen face, the bags under the eyes( which you learn how to cover ) and it starts over again. The morning coffee then what ? Yep whatever ” Keeps me numb ” Feelings hurt.
Finally I am allowing forgiveness, and peace to enter my life.
A lot of people seem to get overwhelmed by life, OK I get overwhelmed . Something that should be pure and simple has become incredibly complicated. We take on too much, then break down and sit there looking at the mess we’ve made, wondering how we’ll ever put it all back together. Sometimes it seems impossible. I make many promises every year and within hours ( you know it’s a party night ) I break them. This year will be uncomplicated. It has taken me many years to understand that my happiness comes first.I cannot truly execute things without being inspired so I tend to seek, look and join people who can give me the right motivation to do things. It has been very helpful for me, I can be more creative and unique. I also cannot be consistent in my interests if I lose my mood of being inspired.I am working towards a positive goal to inspire or motivate my visitors who come to the website. If you want a quick recall of my drunken former self have a look. But as of late , I have added a forum which I could use some support with. My website www.brokenopenscars.com or if you are on WordPress
I love reading stories, watching movies, and listening to songs and speeches that inspire me. I love having friends that inspire me as well 🙂
Those of that know me and enjoy my silly midlife madness can go to the Happy hour Forum and just start a topic
All About The Crazy Chick