An unsettling feeling



Like probably most of you, I’ve had a love-hate (fine, all-hate) relationship with exercise. Throughout the years I’ve tried aerobics classes, swimming, running, jogging, slogging, creeping, tripping, limping, stumbling. I’ve biked, hiked, rollerbladed, roller skated, break danced, ‘Sweated to the Oldies’…walked slowly while texting and/or guzzling iced capps topped with whipped cream.
No matter what program I try, I’ve never been able to stick with it for very long. Maybe because after 10 minutes of sweating, huffing and puffing I think to myself, “Dear God, why?! Why am I doing this? It’s pure torture! Oh god! I’m dying here! It hurts! Oh, how it hurts! My legs burn, my lungs are on fire, my heart’s gonna explode!…is this any way to spend my time when I could be sitting on a couch eating nachos? Oh, gawd, make it stop! Please make it stop!”
Once you start hitting midlife though, you notice a few things. Big things. People die. Friends, relatives, that guy in the obituaries that was the same age as you. When you hit forty this death thing starts to get real, in your face and up in your grill. An unsettling feeling begins to dawn on you as you look nervously around the room. You scratch your head and think, Hey, wait just a minute…. What on earth is happening here?! That won’t happen to me though. Death. Ha! Right? Right, God? Huh? Death? Fffft. Not me! Never me! Right?
….oh shit…
I looked up , I was alone
Shake it off , I could not
Another day yet the same
opening my eyes
the tears have dried ,
regret leave me alone,
let me live.
Drinking Bipolar







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      One response to “An unsettling feeling

      1. Hey it is so good to see that you have written again! I have had those thioughts in my mind as well but I am almost 50! I think the thing is to start slow. That is what I did but I am still going slow. The thing to do is get you a doggy. That will get you going. You will have to take it for walks about every three hours! But besides exercise, How are you doing? I hope that you are staying positve and doing well. I think of you often as I always say. It makes me so glad to hear from you again! Take care now sweety! xx


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