unique , a beautiful disaster

The warmth of inner peace has packed up and left the building. Your face doesn’t rest into a smile any more; it drops. The beauty you used to see in people has morphed into anxiety. You see everything and it’s hell. It’s all so dull, but so challenging. You’re so tired, but so restless. All the while, clinging to a distant need for significance.
You look back to a time where life was in colour and wonder where it was lost.
I can tell you.
I don’t know you, but I know how you feel. Please hear me when I say you’re not pathetic. You look a mess, but everyone does when they go through this. You’re actually in a very unique position, and have a very valuable disposition, which is the very reason you’re going through this.
The one who has nothing to lose has everything to gain.
You don’t dream of riches. You don’t dream of fancy clothes and expensive cars. You don’t dream of the perfect partner. You dream of happiness, and you don’t care how you get it. All you need is something to make you smile to make it all worth it.
So smile and stop pretending to give a fuck. Buy yourself those new shoes you wanted. Or make a nice cup of tea. You have all the time in the world, because there is nothing you’d rather do right now.
People will look at you strange, but they’ll probably think you’re much cooler than they are. Because they spend an eternity relentlessly chasing what they think will make them happy, and you’re already there. They look at you with curious eyes, and you don’t even look at them, and the reason why is clear to everybody. You’re made.
Focus on yourself. Look as good as you can before you leave the house. And then be yourself. Empty, happy, warm, and free. If you don’t care and it shows, you’ll only put people at ease. People hate it when someone cares. And if someone hates you, you probably wouldn’t care. So you’re win-win.
That emptiness inside of you that you’ve spent your life running from… it’s time to enjoy it. Just because nothing is important to you doesn’t mean it won’t be fun. It just means you won’t be disappointed.
Be well. You’re perfect, you just don’t see it yet. Chaotic , a beautiful disaster.

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4 responses to “unique , a beautiful disaster

      • you write so well. Actually better than anyone else I know on here sh!! don’t tell anyone. I am always excited to see that you have posted. You definitely need to write a book about your experiences. I would buy it in a heart beat. You are a special unique person and I hope you can see that 😉

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