Tomorrow is the big day , this sh*t sucks

Tomorrow is the big day!!
I am sure my friends are grateful for this as I have been behaving like a mad woman.
I am in a panic and dragging those close along for the ride which I know isn’t at all fair. I driven myself ( and other people ) into complete chaos . It has been this way all week, and this morning I am grateful. I say I am ‘fine’ or ‘okay’, But for few, the truth is clear. Sometimes pretending that I am okay or I don’t feel anything is easier . The fact is, my smile can lie, but just looking at my face, you always, always know the truth, and they continue to care and carry me forward to the next step in my destination.
Sometimes I wonder what people think when they look at me. I can imagine that they look at me, and see all of my fears and all of the horrible things I carry with me: what I’ve done and put myself through. But then, for those few, they see me as me. That saves my life. So for that, for seeing through my bluff, continuously loving me and treating me of worth . I thank you all.
My emotions are going from high to low so fast that I am mentally worn down. I know that when I get to this clinic I will have to face some very hard truths . And honestly that is scary as hell , it is time to really grab those big girl panties and take control over my life . I may not
mean it but I have to believe that I am worth it . The next time you hear from me it will be from a treatment center that has it’s own hospital ( time to take this health this seriously )
So my mid life crisis and insanity is going to surrender and hopefully forgiveness will follow.
Take care and talk to you soon ( 1 time a week )
Hugs T

you will have to visit my website for upcoming post

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6 responses to “Tomorrow is the big day , this sh*t sucks

  1. Finding help is difficult. I wish you so much success. I miss being bipolar some days. Now I am just depressed all the time. No ups, really.

    And on the pretending… I always say, fake it till you make it… but that doesn’t really work… does it? LOL


  2. Pingback: Prelife Agreement! « Ralphie´s Portal

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