Let it out

I had to put this in if only for the fact that I know that I am shitting on someone’s holiday… yep even the lovely saints as myself get fed up and have to just  ” LET IT OUT”

I may seem a bit PO ‘d and you may be right. I am not even about to get into the “why?” but let’s just say ….mmmm I had a ahhh haaa moment.
I may be having a bit of fun cause I know that I am off to treatment soon, so why not!
If I didnt think I needed treatment 15 mintues ago I know 100% that I need it now and what that is more I welcome it … Kind of like a rabbit looking at a carrot has ranch dressing on top… mmm that is SPeical. Yes, i know I am being somewhat rude and I need to stop..

So let me do a bipolar thing and make a 360 turn and .
You know ,I kind of feel as if ,I get permission  to just not hold anything in and spill the beans cause as most people know .. treatment means believing in something much bigger than ourselves.. It could be a Taco bell wrapper, or the tip of your ciggie. It could also be this laptop that keeps getting hot as I am in the middle of “Letting it all out”.. Does not really matter and no one really gives a shit . Trust me the Faith Police will not be stalking me !!! ( Maybe the fashion Police and maybe the ” I can’t come to work police ” may be on my ass.. but I have a good head start . I have been at this for way too many years. As I write this, I wonder what am I go
ing to do with my time when I am a sober member of the tribe. What the hell do sober people do and where does the inspiration come from?  You see I am able to get deep without regret , but my friends will all this change in the near future ? Suddenly I am feeling lost, mmm big lost.. If it seems far fetched to you and even just a simple case of me talking bullshit, can you put yourself in my shoes . I am re-reading and thinking where the fuck is the vodka. 

Guys, Girls, forgive my bad humor. One word comes to mind : Scary

OMG, Is that more gray hair that I am seeing, where are my glasses? 

5 responses to “Let it out

  1. New reader waving hi! If you’re wondering about whether getting help for the bipolar helps, the answer is “oh hell yes”, but not in the way you might expect. When I cycle (and yes, I still do to a certain degre, even medicated), I can’t imagine feeling another way besides angry and down. The medication keeps me from hitting that point where anger is ALL I feel, but it’s there, at the edges. It’s hard to explain, but life is so much better. Hang tough!


  2. I understand the questions and fears. I was afraid that treatment would take away the best parts of who I was/am. Honestly, it opened me up to embracing who I am and my creativity and willingness/ability to be open and just put it all out there.
    I wish you the very best of luck in your endeavor!


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