Did I get older last night ? Cause I swear I didn’t have these pains yesterday, I am sure that I lost hair last night and gain a few pounds. What happens in the night that makes me wake up and wonder who is this old hag staring back at me . What did you do with my former self I ask?
The morning has started like a big hangover, red eyes , my body feels as if I actually may have “gotten some “ last night . ( that is another story )
So here I am in the midst of beauty creams and girdles. I check my pillow , where in the hell has my hair gone, and what’s going on with the weight after all this sweating ? I really thought that I hit the motherload oh great I said, I am sweating so much surely I can kiss the gym goodbye and let the fat just ease off my lumpy ass. Reality sets in and I have a sudden urge to call my mother and ask her if she has a clue to what is happening to me , My mother however must have paid a ransom to avoid this thief in the night , and I am not really at all interested in hearing about going to the gym, and my nasty smoking habit. Come on , I haven’t had a vodka , let me have one guilty pleasure .
As I take a second look in the mirror , I think “ maybe I should have taken the vodka”