Thank you Muffy’s Midlife Crisis

I told myself that I would stop making fun of these poor souls that post on Craigslist looking for love, but as I was again trolling the Men Seeking Women section I came across Larry from Fort Worth. At first I thought that I would be a mensch and contact Larry personally just to point out some Muffy observations of his listing, but today I am not feeling incredibly nice, just feeling mean spirited. Here is Larry’s ad on CL.

  • Wanted: t LADY FOR ROMANCE AND L T R – 51 (FORT WORTH)

hi , I am  larry , 5ft 7in , 170 lbs , blond hair , blue eyes , i dont drink or smoke and i own my on business. iam looking for a hispanic lady to date , spoil , pamper and marry. you must be hispanic, single or divorced, and interested in a good man.

 Larry, Larry you poor lost soul, first let Muffy your Yenta guide you on the ways of el amor, especially in this rough and tumble ciudad of Htown. First off Larry, on behalf of the hermanas, we applaud the fact that you are culturally diverse and are looking for a woman of Hispanic descent, however, one may question your motives for this decision

Based on the above photo that you posted, are you wanting a senorita because your A/C vents are so fucking dirty? Larry, seriously when was the last time that you changed your A/C filters? My beloved A/C man tells me that you should change those pesky filters every thirty days, comprende 

Larry you must know that not all of us photograph well, present company included, but there are things that one can do to enhance their appearances when attempting to attract el senors and las senoritas. Larry wearing a t-shirt and a dirty golf hat is not the way to win the corazon de la senoritas. Muffy advise to Larry, get off your 170 pound ass and do some laundry for shit’s sake. Take a photo with a fucking shirt on; damn Larry, Muffy has to look at el senors through a bullet proof window, with their man breasts exposed all day long, so be a gringo and wear a fucking shirt. Also Larry smile, smile, smile, you are looking a little constipated in the photo

Are you really 170 pounds? By the looks of the photo, me think not, as Muffy currently weighs 10 more pounds than you do, and is two inches shorter and compared to you I look like I have a eating disorder, come on Larry be honest or get your ass to Weight Watchers, las damas are not stupido. 

Back to the dirty golf hat, Muffy thinks that you may be balding and trust me there is not a damn thing wrong with a bald man. Muffy has had her share of the bald brothers through the years, however, I think that you posed with the dirty golf hat to hide the fact that you are so not blond headed. Larry, as a child Muffy was a dirty blond and continued the blondness until my mid 30’s. But truth be told Larry, in mid life blond hair color is extremely hard to pull off and muy expensive to boot. So unless you are at the salon once every six weeks, sitting on your 170 pound ass getting touch ups on those blond tresses of yours, I am disputing the fact that you are a blond. 

Larry, Larry, Larry, no one is arguing the fact that you may be a good man, however, based on Muffy the Yenta criteria of love, romance and marriage, me think that you may have miscategorized your CL ad as it appears that you are not looking for a senorita but possibly an A/C and duct cleaning service? Laundry service? Hair colorist? Someone to update your old 1980’s wallpaper? A golf swing coach? Larry, you appear to be a man that is lonely and looking for love like the rest of us, and believe you me Muffy is in the same boat as you; but your personal ad is perplexing and confusing to say the least. So, Larry with all of that said, Muffy the Yenta would like for you to change the A/C filters in your home, do some laundry, and post a new photo of yourself. 

Come on Larry, get off your ass and get it together, we hermanas are waiting. 

Adios amigo

Thanks Muffy, keep rockin 

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11 responses to “Thank you Muffy’s Midlife Crisis

  1. OMG- your manner of speaking sounds so similar to conversations between me and my sister. The same sarcastic tone…descriptively rude but encouraging thoughts…pointing out what works and what does not…with a dose of “COME BACK TO REALITY HONEY” thrown in for good measure. I love this…and having had a friend who responded to those ads, I can only imagine some of what you have found. Well done my friend…very well done!!! I will be following…and will post back if I find something of interest on my end! LOL

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  2. Call me crazy, and admittedly the photo and my eyes may not be meshing well, but did Larry not say he is a non-smoker? Then what is that hanging off his bushy lip?

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  3. Pingback: I Blushed. OMG | Miss Crabby Ass

    • Ooh Allan, how did you get past Akismet????
      Thank you for sharing your comment Allan, lots of great info. This is just what I was looking for. I Googled your comment Allan & there’s hundreds of them just like it on many many sites. Thanks for sharing your valuable information. Oh did I mention that it’s just what I’ve been looking for???

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  4. It occurs to me he might want to invest in a codpiece. I’m just sayin. Either that or a belt or a nice pair of suspenders. How’s about all three? Of course, he may be lookng for a senorita who collects miniatures…

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