Stable. So thankful. I was in a hypomanic/manic state for about 24 months ( that sounds better than 2 years )but during that time I was rapidly cycling from dysphoric hypomania/normal/despair on a daily or hourly basis. My thinking was truly in a strange place beyond my understanding at times, (that could have also been the vodka ). I call it Black and White thinking, it’s not necessarily a trait of bipolar, but rather that it’s a trait that many people have. I guess that having bipolar alongside it doesn’t exactly help you too much, but many end-up being able to cope with their ‘black or white‘ way of thinking and can find the colours mixed in between. You have ideas in your head about how things should be (i.e. ‘fantasies’). The problem then is that reality NEVER meets nor matches your expectations and ideas respectively. I was once like this too, but then I realised that my own ideas were truly ‘warped’ and I began to accept that reality is as it is… imperfect, at times annoying, and full of idiots.
“If only life were as easy as ordering from a menu. You could review the appetizers and get yourself the Hot Spinach-Childhood dip filled with creamy self confidence and void of tragedy with tortilla chips, of course. Your adulthood entrée could consist of the Fulfillment Burger with Fries; followed by Contentment Cake (similar to Carrot Cake but with shredded happiness throughout). As a person living with bipolar disorder, my order wouldn’t be complete without my medication. My order would sound something like this… “ I’ll take the Blooming Childhood with Wellbutrin sauce…. the Happiness pizza with the Lithium on the side… and for desert the Abilify cobbler a la mode.” Followed by several Tums due to psychological indigestion.” Fuzzy bipolar!