Broken-open.. what exactly is that ? All these terms ..but I had to sit and think about what that means to me. I know that I am broken, can I be repaired? Can I allow the healing to begin and forgive. 

Lately ( like forever) I have made it my job to do one thing, feel the hurt!! maybe that is my way of taxing myself .. But the dues have been paid in full. 
Now comes the real work.. the healing and I wont lie, I am at a crossroad . You always hear things like , “forgive yourself” “let it go”… but how ?? Please tell me how ? 
Yesterday a total stranger helped me do what I have been killing myself for … feel it , and let go. 
The tears came as they always do but also came something that was not expected… relief from within.  What happens next is anyone’s guess. I know that I need to rest my body ( I am a fucking mess) I need to clean myself from within…I need to do only one thing today. 
NO….. just no. 
No to pity, no to those who mean me harm, no to DRINKING … just NO. 
And with thaI am ok now … now , the here and now. this very moment . I am OK 
to my stranger…. you will never know how bad I needed someone to guide me. To just give me the “OK”.. 
thank you .


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