I was thinking this morning ” what is it really like to be bipolar”?
Let me try to give you the 411..
It means never being able to own fully your emotions, because wait five minutes and they’ll change;
It means spacing out important details of your life, such as needing to pay that bill, or that project you’ve been meaning to get around to;
It means lying awake at night while the thoughts race through your head and your heart pumps faster thousand miles an hour;
It means that dreadful crash–the one that leaves you afraid to get out of bed, the one that leaves wondering how you’re going to survive another month, for fear your heart will simply give out;
It means knowing way too f***ing well where Kurt Cobain is coming from;
It means living like you’re on speed for days or weeks on end;
It means being complimented and obsessing over why you couldn’t have done even better;
It means being devastated by even a casual remark that upsets your ego;
It means having people think you’re a crybaby, a drama queen, or a psycho;
There were a lot of ups and downs. There was a period in my life where I was living in fantasy land and woke up to realize I was completely miserable. I stopped hanging out with my friends little by little and replaced them with wine. The thought of being in large groups of them made me completely uncomfortable. I felt like I wasn’t the person they knew anymore.
Relationships are a very touchy thing for me at the moment ..should I or shouldn’t I??? Too date or not???
I am scared that I will just get worse sitting here . I am feeling so much better lately but I want to share my life with someone. So this weekend will I sit home or just say yes….
I will most likely think about this until I must answer the invitation.