In the beginning I started my ‘Time Out’ for myself, as a way to not focus on anything but, what is in front of me. In plain english, I went into the stage of, ‘I don’t damn a hot damn ‘ !
Thelma and Louise were cool and all but, let’s not forget they took the easy way out. Pancake batter they are.
I gave myself permission to do absolutely nothing . I also that this would be a good time to take actually stop talking about writing a book and just write the damn thing . So what! I have no experience in writing. I would not think of how the content would look just now. Just write.
And I did .
It hit me that the best place to start would be now.. I mean right now. So I started with my daily thoughts on my timeout which has now turned into something I didn’t expect, as they say ‘once you get in you can’t get out’.
Most normal middle aged women do not lock themselves in the house claiming they are on a timeout. They are not entertained by the clutter that surrounds them, just because no one is watching .They know their chances of sagging Jax from Sons of Anarchy are as big of a chance as me getting my snort on, just this one time.
They do not have the craving to be numb. Meaning they do not keep bookmarking and deleting the local snack shop that will deliver alcohol. They do not spend hours looking at the series intervention until the feelings past. They do not spend the entire day peeking at addiction blogs,they know that they are addicted as I do.
Difference being I need the strength of others sharing their stories . Or maybe I am just amused , maybe nosy.
Amused or not .. it helps.
Therefore I admit that I have put my addicted bipolar ass in the line of danger .